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The Mom Haze-Surviving the Early Years

Shortly after entering into a relationship with my now husband I met my bonus sons. Less than a year into our relationship we welcomed our first son, lost my mother in law, and started a custody case for his older boys. And quickly this haze of survival mode set in.

Fast forward 7 years into being a mom and I feel like the haze is slowly lifting. Go forward 9ish months later and the fog has lifted. The haze is still lingering around on certain things but for the most part I feel it’s safe to say. I have left SURVIVAL MODE.

Confused and conflicted, I say nothing to anyone cause I don’t have PTSD. How do you describe I just got lost and overwhelmed and only just now getting my shit together 8 years into being a mom? No one else seems to have this struggle. No one else is talking or has talked about this. It’s not depression, not PTSD, not anything like those things but everything like those things and more. I felt alone.

A few months ago, scrolling through Facebook I clicked on an article talking about how some ladies go into this survival mode after having kids. It goes on to literally describe feelings I couldn’t put words to until that day. Sadly, I can’t find the article and googling gets me no where. Up to this article, I felt alone.

Clearly it’s not something people are talking about. There are others like me. Just not enough of us talking bout this survival mode to let others know they aren’t alone.

I love my sons. They are breath to my lungs and make a world full of negative seem brighter with their existence, but I was lost. I was lost in a world of Pinterest moms, moms who washed and dried laundry in the same day, moms who packed their kids lunch and remembered to give it to them before they walked out the door, moms who had a house out of home and garden, and lots and lots of opinions of the kind of mom I SHOULD be.

In reality I was one doggy paddle away from sinking. I’m pretty sure one of my step sons just wore the same jeans all week. The laundry piled up quicker than the dishes. I just washed dishes two days ago and were out of dishes, how the…

My two youngest make me question why I didn’t get stock in diapers the moment I found out I was pregnant. I think I vacuumed but I’ll do it again. So mannnyyy toys-where did they all come from? I swear I asked for help, I think I asked for help……did I say it out loud or just think it loudly???

Slowly the fog lifted. The days stopped blending together. My house slowly started getting cleaner more frequently and lasting longer. Dishes and laundry are still seemingly never ending but I choose to avoid both of those things often. So it’s partially self inflicted.

I have no magic secret to how it happened. I just started noticing the days no longer blended and I can remember which day I’m on and that I took a shower.

My point in writing this very raw post, to share. So others like me who dived in fast and hard into parenting and just lost theirselves. Keep trudging thru the trenches. Keep going. You aren’t alone and the world will eventually make sense again. It’s okay if you didn’t get a picture of your baby every month date on the exact date of their birth. It’s okay if you’re hanging on by a thread-keep going!!!

No one said motherhood was easy, they just said it was worth it.

Keep mommyin my mommy friends!

-Monica

I do not currently make any money off of my blog I will update as I eventually learn affiliate marketing and how to best interstate into my blog.

When The Feeling Strikes

Disclaimer: I am not currently adding any affiliate links or hyperlinks to the first few posts. As I learn more I will edit this disclaimer. Thank you for your patience

Often times with a free-spirited heart and mind you do things as they strike your heart. I try hard as I get older to not  be as impulsive as I used to act. I try hard to think things through, to ‘sit’ on them for a time. For example, for years I have wanted my writing to make a difference. I knew as a very young girl I would write as a stream of revenue for myself. How?? well that has yet to be determined as my blog currently produces no income for me.

Today, a gorgeous Monday morning in late August here in the Shenandoah Valley. Those gorgeous mountains that are the claim to fame for Virginia are currently covered in a white foggy dense clouds. It’s not smog, its humidity getting ready to ruin what would otherwise just be a hot day. Once it makes its way down into the valley the day will be hot and miserable. If you have curly hair like myself , it’s called messy bun season. The heat waves we’ve somehow managed to miss all summer have set in and for the next two weeks the area will be miserable with short reprieves with harsh lightning storms.Blog pic 3

I woke my sons up and sent them on their way to school and thought that I really needed to organize myself moving forward. I have a lot of things going on for being just ‘a stay at home mom’ but what sahm doesn’t have those issues. Our days are constantly filled with someone elses needs to get something done, am I right?

I am currently decluttering and making decisions if it needs to go to Goodwill or go to my booth and try to make some money off of it. I have a direct sales business with a growing team that I constantly in connection with daily. I created a craft business that I make products and send them to different booths to sell also. I am trying to sell a house we have. Keep my house clean, which is a joke cause it’s never clean. I am trying to take care of myself, by working out and eating healthy (minus the cookie I just ate). I run several things on my social media pages, cooking dinner, taking care of my family, the list never ever seems to end. So I thought I would force myself to take time to get this ‘ish’ together moving forward. Busy_Mother-686x350.jpg

I must have had a look of blankness or helplessness on my face because this overly charismatic lady that works for the place I am sitting in touches my shoulder and asks if I am getting any work done. She looks at my screen and sees that I am trying to figure out what organization tools work for me and she said ‘Don’t you worry darlin, it’ll come to you. I have faith you’ll do great things!’ Right there in that moment I connected with her on a level of faith. I had tears come to my eyes and said Thank you. She walked away smiling. The thought hit me, how many people does this woman bless daily being massively underpaid to clean tables and saying such kindness to complete strangers?Busy_Mother-686x350

How often do you take the time to really evaluate your surroundings? I tend to let my anxiety kick in when I’m not lost in thought on something else. But today, I looked up.

To my left, a woman wearing gym gear with a baby on her lap, no more than 7/8 months old. Her body language is closed off. At this time of the day for her to be in a shop with me, dressed as she is, my assumptions are that she is also a stay at home mom or also runs a business from home. But when the Kind Lady walks over she touches her shoulder and says how are you today mam? The young mom’s face lights up and the next thing I know, the Kind Lady is sitting at the table listening to the young mom just ramble on and on. Similar to how I was when I became a mom and started staying home. I loved my babies and so thankful I was able to stay home with them but so desperate for adult interaction but not sure how to come off normal. Maybe shes content with life. Maybe she’s battling a level of depression only a stay at home parent can understand. After all, how can you be so depressed when staying home with your child is most mothers dream? As most women will tell you it is entirely possible. I just know that for a brief moment her eyes lit up and she had a wonderful conversation that probably meant more to her than it did to the Kind Lady.

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There is a couple to my front. From what I can gather, they are retired and in the area looking for a second home. Virginia is one of those magical places people by second homes for winter and summer purposes. Full of lakes and mountains to have endless adventures in or to watch the leaves change in the fall and enjoy the snow-covered mountains and the tranquility they bring. I overheard briefly their budget and almost fainted. Their budget for a second home is my budget for a house in the woods twice over! But as they talk amongst themselves the Husband says maybe we shouldn’t do this. To which the wife replies you may be right. The Kind Lady says you’re in your golden years you deserve what makes you happy. It was if a sigh of relief fell over both of them. Maybe they are getting flack from other friends in their golden years who can’t afford what they can. Maybe their kids are giving them a lot of flack. Whatever their cons were seemed to be eliminated the moment The Kind Lady spoke and they quickly got on the phone with a realtor and scheduled an appointment. images (1)

What I noticed is that three tables, three chances to make a difference, and she did. She was brave in her own ways and shared thoughtful gestures and words.

Too much, I am invested in my own little world with my own little minions and my own life issues, that I don’t noticed much around me. Because of The Kind Lady’s encouraging words we all walked away with a different ending than what we could’ve had.

I guess what i wrote all of that to say is, be kind. She didn’t know us, our struggles, or even our names, but she took less than a minute with each of us to make a difference and she will likely continue her shift bouncing from each end of the restaurant looking for people who need encouragement.

It took one minute to change one life.

When is the last time you took one minute to change a life with a simple smile, compliment, kind words, sweet gesture?

Much Love, Monica

The Struggle is Real

Disclaimer: I am not currently adding any affiliate links or hyperlinks to the first few posts. As I learn more I will edit this disclaimer. Thank you for your patience

Affiliate Marketing, Infuencer Marketing, hyperlinks, websites, sponsoring, advertising, all these things and more are decisions you must make as you start a blog and want to monetize it at some point. 

Home pages, contact information, a place for your readers to contact you, email lists, applying for ways to monetize your blog. All of these things and more I really did not put a lot of thought in to when I made the decision to finally jump and make this blog thing a real thing for myself.

I just knew I had a passion for sharing with others, I enjoyed writing, and I knew I wanted to help make a difference for someone, even in the smallest way. I had been told by several people to write a book but every time I sat down to start my mind went blank. I didn’t write as if it was me. I went blank. Nothing could come. I tried writing prompts but it was still so forced it felt dishonest . As I get older in life I do less of what feels good to me. If it doesn’t feel real and authentic to who I am and what I stand for I find myself quickly not doing it. While writing a book is still something I plan to accomplish one day, creating this blog is my first step.

I just didn’t realize it required all of this thought. I thought I will just launch a blog to help others and share my experiences with people all over the world, and I’ll figure out how they make money eventually. ‘EASY PEASY, LEMON SQUEEZY’ as Sky says…..wrong, so so wrong. *insert facepalm*

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So I came to Panera Bread today and thought that I would organize my week and pump out a post or two. Guys….no! I have researched my tail off. Almost talked myself out of this 10 times this morning and its 11:17am! 

So please, as you find yourself reading my posts, have grace. I started this blog with heartfelt intentions to share my stories in hope of helping at least one person. So as my free spirited ways have landed me in the trenches of the blogging world I find myself massively under prepared. I’ll spare you all of the details that I clearly overlooked! Know that I come from a place with good intentions and between you and me, we will make this blog as successful as we can. I already appreciate you so much for hanging in there with me and blessing me with being a reader.

 

-Much love, Monica

The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

 

Hello there! Some where along the way you found my blog and decided to click on it and now you’re here!

A few things to know about me :

I am a mom to two step sons and two sons of my own. For those of you who quickly did the math, yes that’s FOUR  boys! I love them all with everything I have.

All those boys mean dirt is part of their clothing line from the first wear. That lifting the toilet seat isn’t something that always happens . Dinosaurs, action movies, baseball, and midnight foot to LEGO action are it rolls in this house.

May stepsons are older now leaving just the two youngest at home, Oliver and Schyler (skyler is the popular spelling, I chose the old English spelling) . My blog posts will likely feature some of their antics and silliness, as they keep day to day life interesting!

611F2E01-8A03-4953-8BC1-D312E94401D1.jpegOliver is the older one-8 And Sky is 6 . Olly is my ‘rule follower’ and sky is my mini free bird in the making. He’s my daily reminder to just live loving life and everything else will fall into place. For reference, my husband is the rule follower and since becoming a mom I strive to be more so of a rule follower but my heart desperately clings to all free spirited moments that life allows.

With such a free spirit I struggled making decisions on things like what I want to be when I grow up. I constantly had this thought of ‘why do I have to be just one thing ?’ As I have gotten older I’ve lesrned there are other people like me who have to live life loving what they do , if not you quickly become miserable.

So what is it that I do? Well…. I’m a stay at home mom. My boys are in school during the days so I’ve decided to take on decluttering my home by renting a booth at a local shop. I also started a direct sales business 10 months ago and actively build that as a team and a finished product line. I also love animals and help my parents on their farm as much as I can or is needed and now, now I have a blog too. All of these things make up who I am as a person and I love each part of myself.

My goal for this blog is to relate and connect. Too often, we, as women get lost in what we’re suppose to look like doing something. Be it parenting, starting a traditional business, starting a direct sales business and team, stay at home mom, working mom, wife, as a women in general. I want my readers to know I am in the trenches with them. I’ll share advice on what I’ve messed up enough to know NOT TO DO. I’ll share tips and tricks for crafting master pieces. Getting those tough stains out of the grey or white baseball paints their coaches picked out this year. All of it and I’ll do it from a stand point of trial and error with a touch of humor during my stories.

So thank you for sticking in there and reading my first blog post! I’m so excited for what this blog can accomplish! 1FEDF344-5B14-41D2-9156-986BBA9DEBE9.jpeg

Oliver and I a year ago making silly faces cause that’s how we roll

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Waltonpost